The Adventures of a Normal Fiction-Lover: MLP FiM Edition
by CementTheBlock
Summary: As Lyra's on her way home from the Everfree Forest, a flash of light appears and a random stallion pony with it. He looks over at Lyra and asks in a drawl that would make Applejack wince, "What kinda pony am Ah?" With that, hilarity and craziness ensue for Lyra. Can Lyra deal with this crazy pony?
1. Intro: Lyra Makes a Friend

I was walking home from the Everfree forest and realized that this was one of the better days I'd seen in a while. The weatherponies must have worked quite hard that morning. I thought ahead to my appointment with Bon Bon, and smiled.

_Hopefully she won't hate the surprise I- is that lightning?_

It was.

**_Except_**-

Lightning flashes and goes away. This, however, was still there- and about four feet in front of my face. I hastily backed away as the... whatever it was started to expand into a half-sphere of blinding light. As my vision returned, I noticed a stallion pony looking around as if bewildered.

When he finally noticed me, his eyes got as big as very large dinner plates, and I'd swear that his irises shrank as well. A big, stupid grin grew on his face and he looked like the happiest pony I'd ever seen. Then, he suddenly stopped grinning, as if he had remembered something rather important.

"Please tell me Ah'm not a pegasus." He said this in a drawl that would have made the entire Apple Family wince, and seemed to think that the very idea of being a pegasus was repulsive.

"Uh... You're not a pegasus?" I was gathering my thoughts for a better retort when he scattered them again.

"Does that mean that I'm a unicorn?" He didn't seem to utterly despise this idea, and didn't drawl a single syllable.

"No, no you're not. Do you not know what you are?"

"Well, Ah'm guessin that Ah'm a pony like yerself," he drawled, "but Ah don't quat know what kinda pony Ah am. Well, Ah realize now that Ah'm an Earth Pony. Wouldya be averse to the idea of showing me tha way ta the Library in Ponyville?"

I thought it over for a few seconds, then shouted, "Of course I'm 'averse' to taking you to Ponyville you madpony! You just appear out of a huge flash-of-light-thing and now you're asking if I'd be 'averse' to taking you to see the Library in Ponyville?!"

"Well, yes," he said, managing to drawl both syllables horrifically. He seemed to think that this was the most natural response to my shouting.

"Ok, you know what? I will take you to Ponyville. Maybe Twilight will know what to do with a madpony like you."

"That's exactly what I was thinking!" This drawl on/off thing was getting old really fast.

* * *

While we were walking he suddenly turned to me and said, "Say Lyra, do you know anything about 'Anthropology'?"

"I've never heard of anything called 'anthropology'." I said, "I know that it's a study, but I don't know what it would be of."

"Well... It's the study of 'humankind'."

Now I really had no idea what he was talking about, and it must have shown on my face.

"Well, Anthropology is to me as Equinology to you, I suppose," he said, finally saying something that half made sense. "Don't worry about it. Say, what's my Cutie Mark anyways?"

Now he'd completely stopped my brain. I even stopped walking because he made everything in my mind shut down. Everypony knew exactly what their Cutie Marks were. The idea of somepony having one and not knowing what it was, was impossible to wrap my mind around. He had stopped too, looking at me curiously. I hadn't actually looked at his flank, mostly because of how crazy he had been since appearing. Now, I did.

"It's an open book," I said. "Does that mean that your talent is making books?" I said, half sarcastically.

"Hmm... probably not," he said, completely seriously. "I guess that books are the main source of fiction here, and that's my talent. I love stories, well, at least," he sighed, "I did before all this weird stuff happened..." He seemed sad and actually made me feel sorry for him- for all of a second, because I finally processed something he'd said.

"Did you call me Lyra?"

"Hmmm?"

"Did you call me Lyra when we were talking about 'anthropology' and equinology?"

"Ah reckon Ah did."

"How in Celestia's name do you know my name?"

"Interestin' swear choice there, Miss Heartstrings." He was drawling still, and used my last name. "Ah could explain mahself right here, but Ah'd rather wait 'til we were with Twilight Sparkle and her 5 friends. Ah'll explain everything to ya there, if ya like. I swear on everything I believe in that Ah won't do ya any harm."

For about half a second, it did make me feel better. Then, "Are you serious right now!" I shouted, "You show up out of nowhere, act like a **_complete_** madpony, suddenly know my name and expect me to believe you because you'll 'swear on everything you believe in'?!" I took a breath to prepare for my next round of verbal assault, but he had started talking.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." He said, doing the accompanying motions. "I won't do _**anything**_ to harm you or anyone you don't want me to harm."

He'd done it again. He'd completely frozen my brain. I couldn't move. I could hardly think. I knew that his promise was good, because anyone who knew about that promise also knew the horrific consequences for breaking it.

"Once we get to the Library I'll explain how I know Pinkie Pie so well too," he said quietly, reassuringly. "Oh Lord. Speak of the devil, here she comes!"

"Who?" I said, fearing the answer.

"Pinkie Pie." He said, confirming my fears.

I spun around and indeed there Pinkie Pie was, approaching us at an impossibly high speed. I started to look for an escape, but the stallion said, "It's a little late to look for an escape, Miss Heartstrings, she's seen us and there ain't anything in any world that'll keep her from getting to us."

This was, of course, the truth, but only somepony who'd dealt with the energetic pink pony should've known that. Hoping things would make more sense once we'd arrived at the Library, I braced myself for impact.

"Hi! What's your name? Where're you from? Why's your Cutie Mark a book? I'm Pinkie Pie, by the way!" this was all said in the space of half a second, and Pinkie Pie was about to continue, but he'd shoved his hoof into her mouth.

"Why don't you go get your Welcome Wagon?" he asked casually. "And make sure to put the streamers and the batter in the right place."

"Ohmygosh that's a GREAT idea!" Pinkie gushed, running away too quickly for anypony's eyes to follow.

"There, now we have about 5 seconds for you to give me a name," he said, as if this was the most natural thing in the world for somepony to say.

"Um...Uh... Fiction Light" I said, not able to process the fact that he didn't just give his own name.

"No... Uh... Bright Fiction?"

"You look more like a 'Sparking Fiction' to me," said Pinkie Pie.

"Well, how'd ya guess? Yall can call me Spark fir short." said 'Spark'.

"I guess I'm just that good," Pinkie said, oblivious to the fact that he had just taken whatever she gave him. "Now, it's time for your welcome!"

I covered my ears and backed about 15 feet away and watched as Pinkie performed her usual dance. It was quite different to have warning, be viewing it without hearing it, having the victim sing along with Pinkie and even be conducting! He cued the streamers from the oven and the cake batter from the streamer pipes! It was the first time that somepony hadn't seemed totally weirded out by the pink pony's antics.

I uncovered my ears and walked towards them as they both, almost mirroring each other, stepped out from their cake batter coverings and ate their cake shells.

"Ok Pinkie, now that you know mah name and we're best friends, wanna go with us to Twilight's place?" he said gesturing at me, and drawling again.

"Heh heh, you sound just like the Apple family! Sure, I think Twilight would love to meet you!" said Pinkie as we all started walking in that direction.

"Awesome, Ah didn't know how she'd react. It's good ta know that she'll be interested," he said, "actually, you wanna go gather up the rest of yer friends too, Pinkie? By 'the rest of yer friends' Ah mean Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, and them only."

"Sure!" she said, dashing away.

"Phew... I never thought I'd have to deal with Pinkie In Real Life..." he started chuckling, which turned into a roaring fit of laughter which brought him onto his back, and soon he was rolling back and forth. I couldn't see what was so funny about anything that had happened, besides his conducting and perfectly cueing the streamers and cake. Of course, anytime somepony's laughing that hard, it becomes infectious and I was soon chuckling.

"What's so funny anyways?" I said once he had stopped (he was clutching his sides in pain) "Something that I did?"

"No, no..." he said, catching his breath, "It's not something anyo- *ahem* -pony from here would be able to understand..." Spark looked sad, again making me feel sympathy for him, although I knew there was no real reason for me to feel that way.

He got up and we continued towards the Library.

* * *

"Welp, here we are, Ah s'pose."

We had arrived at the Library. Spark used his hoof to knock on the door and we heard somepony yell, "Spike, could you get the door?"

The door opened and the purple and green dragon who'd poked his head out said "You do know that the library's open to the public, right?"

"Well, mah fine sir, we're not here to use yer library, we're here to see Twilight Sparkle. Pinkie Pie and company will be here soon enough too."

"Well, come in, I suppose," Spike said as he held the door open for us.


	2. Chapter 1: In the Library

After Spike let us in, we heard somepony yell, "Welcome! I'll be right there!"

"I guess you can make yourselves at home," said Spike, leaving us in the library.

As I looked for a place to sit, Spark looked at the bookshelves. As he was reading the titles, he started to giggle. Eventually, as his laughter kept increasing in volume, curiosity got the better of me, I walked over to him and asked, "What are you laughing at?"

"These titles are hilarious!"

"What are you talking about?"

Suddenly, he held his hoof to his mouth. "Shh."

I listened, but couldn't hear anything. "I can't-"

"Exactly. Where are Twilight and Spike? Twilight can be this quiet, but Spike?"

It was true, Spike couldn't operate for more than a few seconds without a crash of some sort being heard, and we hadn't heard a single one. I quickly went to Twilight's room.

"Twilight?" I called, while knocking on her door, "Are you there?" The door opened at my knock, and I saw that the room was empty.

"Spark? You were right, she isn't there."

"I know, and I'd like you to stay where you are."

"Ooh, a new friend, 'Spark?' I would hate to have to start killing such pretty ponies on my first day here." This voice was sinister and flirtatious, and it shocked me that he could talk so lightly of killing at all.

"If you start attacking us here, you'll get caught in the blaze." Spark said, matter-of-factly.

"Ha! You're right, of course. I suppose I'll wait outside for you. Toodles, _Sparky_!" A loud CRACK sounded, apparently signifying the disappearance of the sinister voice.

Sparking Fiction sighed. "Lyra, it looks like this madpony is gonna be outa your hai-**mane** sooner than he thought he was gonna. Hope you have a good life." I heard the main entrance close as he apparently left.

"You aren't getting off that easy," I muttered, "now you've earned yourself more of an explanation."

* * *

A few seconds later I was chasing him around ponyville as he sprinted everywhere, apparently looking for whomever he had been talking to in the library. As I rounded the last corner I had seen him disappear behind, I saw him standing stock-still, looking towards something around the next corner. He looked over at me and gave me a look that silenced the half-formed question that was on my lips and froze me in place.

"All right, no library to get trapped in. Let's get this party started."

"You know you can't beat me one-on-one, so what's your plan?"

"You know just how powerful a psyker I am. I wonder how many of these ponies I can control?"

Suddenly, I felt something trying to enter my mind. And, just as suddenly, I felt a huge rush of warmth.

"AAAAAAAAAAAGH!" the other pony, (at least I think it was a pony, it definitely had a pony's voice) was shouting in pain, while I felt whatever had been in my mind quickly retreat.

"Painful? That's probably magical feedback, seein' as every pony in this world not only has magic of some sort, but they also have an innate magical connection with three or four physical Gods. I kinda figured that would happen. Now, did you wanna do that one-on-one match that you can't win?"

"Grrrrr... I'll be ba- You know what? We **will** have that match, right **now!"**

He probably punctuated this with an attack of some sort, because a fireball exploded right next to Sparking Fiction. Spark stomped the ground, and **eight** boulders flew up from it! I double checked to make sure that he was, in fact, not a unicorn. As I confirmed his Earth Pony-ness, Spark jumped into the air and gave an amazing spinning kick, sending each mass of stone towards the source of the fireballs, also dodging 4 fireballs while in the air. My jaw was on the ground as I watched Spark jumping around like some sort of acrobat, dodging every fireball that came towards him while keeping up a continuous stream of stones being thrown towards the other pony. The fireballs, however were coming far less frequently.

"Do you still think you can beat me?" Spark jumped out of view. I yanked my jaw off of the ground and ran around the corner. I saw Spark somehow making a huge boulder float over... what was that thing? It looked like a hairless, hornless minotaur, and seemed to be covered in a black robe-like thing, which was torn in quite a few places. There was blood peeking through many of those holes. Spark was holding a massive boulder over the thing's... wrists? Yeah, I think that's what they're called. Spark had caused flat sheets of rock to come up and trap it (him? Its voice was male, at any rate) such that he couldn't move.

"Well? Are you going to do it?"

Spark threw the rock away and said, "No. I never could, and you know that." The thing looked smug.

"I do know that." His eyes slid towards me, and the boulder reappeared, this time over his head.

"I dare you to give me a reason, though." Spark said, sounding incredibly calm. No, he sounded like he was incredibly angry. No, he sounded like he was both, and all that the thing had to do was make the slightest twitch, and it would find a boulder on its head.

"Hmmm... Better not, then." He was just as shaken by the change in Sparking Fiction as I was. "You really do seem to care more about these ponies than you did your own kind."

Suddenly, there was another bright flash, and he was gone.

"Bwuh!?" I exclaimed, "Where did i-he, go?"

"I once spent a month tryi-" before he could finish, his eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out.


End file.
